Thursday, August 25, 2011

My Confession: I've Been Converted to Samdom

I confessed on Twitter and Facebook a few weeks ago that I think I've been converted. Then I started watching season 1 again, and I realize it's a lot more complicated than that.

From the first time I watched Supernatural, I was (for lack of a better term) a Dean girl. I mean, I was in my 30s, and he was the older, more experienced, more mature guy. I loved Sam just as much as I loved Dean, and I always identified more with Sam, but for attraction? It was Dean all the way.

Going back, I still feel that way about the early seasons, but I marvel at how freakin' much Jared Padalecki has changed.

During season 2, he started to really grow up. He filled out, caught up to his nose, and just kept getting bigger. And bigger. Not in a huge, scary way, and not in a lanky, buggy way. Just...big. The amazing thing is that he never stopped.

Take us through seasons 3, 4, 5, 6, and his character grew as much as his body did. Dean kept me through at least season 5 because of Jensen's fantastic acting (as well as the writing). He was tortured, and so full of loyalty and determination to save us all. He stayed true to his principles and his convictions. My goodness, how can anyone not stay hooked?

But Kripke always said Sam was the true protagonist of the show, and he faced and overcame some pretty intense obstacles. Season 6, especially the finale, made me flip.

Not that I realized it for a long time. I've never been all on one side—I always loved them both, and I still do. So I claimed to still be a Dean girl the whole time I marveled at the nuances of Padalecki's performance, and the challenges the writers threw at him. In the finale, he overcame all that fragmentation, all that pain, to go try to save his brother. Most of the talk I've seen has been about Castiel going dark side, but what *I* can't wait to see is how Sam comes out of the whole thing.

So all summer, whenever I thought about the show, Sam was who popped into my head. He's who my brain lingered over while I drove to work or did dishes (especially after my iPod got stolen and I had only my brain for company!). I would be lying if I didn't admit that I've been converted.

Except...Sam doesn't exist without Dean. All that character development couldn't have happened without his brother's influence. So it seems almost impossible to me that I or anyone else can really be all Dean girl or all Sam girl. Which puts me right where I was at the beginning of season one: in the middle, with a slight lean to one side.

I know some of you are rabid Sam girls and rabid Dean girls, but how many of you have found yourself switching back and forth? Tell us in the comments!