Thursday, December 10, 2009

Why You REALLY Don't Want a 67 Impala for Christmas (But I DO!)

Eric Kripke himself said the Impala looks really cool but “handles like a shopping cart.” Nevertheless, I have wanted one since…well, since Croatoan.

8) Finding one in any decent shape is near impossible. She's over 40, you know, and if the outside's good, the inside probably isn't. The ones I've found in my price range have ratty interiors or rust spots on the undercarriage.

7) No airbags—though she probably does more damage than she receives

6) No electric windows/locks—but it's easier to pick the locks when you lock your keys inside

5) No cup holders—remember the plastic things you could buy at the gas station and hook on the windows? Classy.

4) No. Air-conditioning. That leaves me OUT.

3) Getting parts will be a nightmare.

2) She guzzles gas like damn and whoa. But probably not worse than those SUVs.

1) She’ll attract a lot of attention, especially with those 8 cylinders. Look in your rearview mirror for flashing lights.